A new study just came out that says noise from oil and natural gas operations is possibly stunting the growth of young birds while giving these chickadees post traumatic stress disorder. Seriously. I’m not kidding. Little birdies may be suffering from PTSD. Remember a time not so long ago when only soldiers and cops got PTSD? (Heavy sigh.)

Researchers from the University of Colorado Boulder claim oil and natural gas compressors produce noise that is the equivalent of a highway, which apparently is freaking out the chicks. Hmmm. It’s as if these researchers are so focused on their work that they have no sense of the obvious. There are 164,000 miles of highways in the U.S. and more than a million miles of public roads! All these highways and roads are generating ginormously more noise than compressor stations, and yet there is no shortage of birds willing to drop a goopy present on your car. (Ginormous, adjective: Hugely bigger than something tiny.)

Look, I like nature as much as the next guy, but let’s get real here. The modern world is a noisy, stressful place. I don’t think there is any question that all wildlife wishes we were not here with our cars, homes, businesses, airplanes and leaf blowers. (Actually, I’m the guy who wants to ban all leaf blowers everywhere until the manufacturers figure out how to make them as quiet as my car.)

Here’s an idea. Why don’t these researchers take a look at the impact obnoxious, expensive and unnecessary wind turbines are having on the bird population. The constant drone and vibration from these monstrosities is worse than any compressor station. And those spinning blades butcher about 600,000 birds annually, including at least 83,000 raptors, and somewhere around a million bats—the creatures that pollinate a large portion of our food supply. That ain’t good.

Of course we should do everything we can within reason to try to keep the environment as healthy as possible for all of God’s creatures. I vote we begin by seriously questioning the actual value of giant wind turbines and annoying leaf blowers. From there we can make our way down the list until we get to the necessary stuff that is essential to our survival and see if we can make those things friendlier, too.

Can someone recommend a good relaxation therapist, please? All this talk about how researchers are examining the obvious while ignoring the obvious—and truly destructive—is giving me the faintest glimpse of what actual PTSD must feel like.

Power On, America.