BERNing Down America

Have you heard about Bernie Sanders plan for how to power America? It’s even more outrageous than AOC’s Green New Deal! Bernie clearly has no knowledge of how anything actually works. Here’s our humorous take on how Bernie must imagine himself as an energy prophet who is not bound by the laws of physics, economics, or even reality.

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Did you watch our six-part series on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s “Green New Deal”? Well, Bernie Sanders believes AOC wasn’t radical enough. The socialist senator is talking less like a presidential candidate than he is a religious prophet. His plans don’t just defy the laws of economics and energy. Green New Bernie’s plan defies reality itself.

Bernie’s to-do list on energy is so disconnected from the real world we would need 20 videos to explain how nonsensical it is. Nobody has time for that, and believe me, Bernie’s commandments don’t deserve it. Therefore, we’ll just give you the low lights.

As we all know, Bernie hates fossil fuels, so he says he would ban hydraulic fracturing, offshore drilling, and drilling on public lands. In his paradise Bernie imagines that we put 15 million people out of work and teach them how to do other things. What other things? Who knows? In Bernie’s land of Eden critical details are just an annoyance to be ignored. This part of Bernie’s plan alone would be enough to plunge the U.S. into a deep depression, but he hasn’t even warmed up yet.

Bernie says he would raise taxes on what he calls “corporate polluters”. In Bernie’s nirvana that’s any corporation that produces… well… anything… because all manufacturing generates waste as well as carbon dioxide emissions. That means utilities that provide your electricity are in his sights as well.

Bernie says he will heavily tax companies who invest in oil, natural gas, and coal. And he will use federal power to investigate fossil fuel companies and punish them for the sin of providing us with the energy we need. Sanders promises to sanction any corporation that violates our domestic climate goals. What are these goals and how do we agree on them?

Don’t worry…. Bernie will give us his commandment from on high.

I promise you… I’m not making this stuff up. Bernie seems to believe that the American President is an all-powerful King who can just demand that his subjects do whatever he tells them to do. As somebody who has spent his entire life in politics, and never had a real job, you would think he would know how a democratic republic actually works. But, apparently not. Sanders says he would set up a federal electricity market. Basically, that means he wants to nationalize the electric grid. The socialist senator claims that under his new system electricity would be virtually free by 2035. Among other realities, Bernie overlooks the fact that wind turbines and solar panels must be replaced every 20 to 30 years.

Like all socialists who live in capitalist countries, Bernie must imagine that there is some bottomless pot of money out there that is NOT filled with taxpayer or consumer dollars. And there’s even more to be taken from greedy corporations and wealthy people. In Bernie Land these successful people and companies will suffer his wrath. But destroying them won’t harm the economy a bit. 

I’ve saved the worst one for last. Bernie’s plan calls for a ban on the import and export of fossil fuels. So, as he crushes oil, gas, and coal companies in America, we won’t be able to bring in fuel sources from abroad. Somehow, we’ll figure out ways to defy the laws of physics while we invent new ways to do… nearly everything. Bernie has convinced his supporters he can make money appear out of thin air, so why not energy as well? It will be great. Free stuff and green energy for all. Nirvana… is just around the corner.

For the Clear Energy Alliance, I’m Mark Mathis. Power On!

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